I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
