Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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