My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this is an emotional support booty call
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
