i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
