The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
