When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
