Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
