if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
