problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
