my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize