I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize