No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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