i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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