So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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