Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
