Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
