He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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