we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
