theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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