You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
