____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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