i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
