At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
