We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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