how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
