So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
