$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.