if only i could text you this smell
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Help me help you realize you are a moron
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock