This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.