She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.