My friends, they love my intelligence
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
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You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.