I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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