I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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