I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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