Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
