Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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