So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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