I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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