I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
