You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
