Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
