My hand turned me down
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
