Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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