the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
