its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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