y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
