If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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