i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.