I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.