Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
