I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Couch. On fire.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
