I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
