ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
