and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
