Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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