ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i love accidental penises.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams