I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.