I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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