he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life