i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
