i love accidental penises.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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