No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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