if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
