Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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