It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
