You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
