Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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