I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
