we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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