we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
