you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
