the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
