Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
