Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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