If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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