It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
