Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
