just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
