i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
