So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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