oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
